Life as a Symphony

Oh man

2012-01-30T13:00:00.001-06:00

Its been a long blogging funk. Not for any great reason--we've been happy, healthy, just living life really. I think all my creative energy has been directed towards setting up my website and getting everything for the grand opening of ButtonTais.com ready though, and its quite draining. I was telling Brandon the other day that I don't think i've ever had to be as patient and fastidious about working towards something before in my whole life. Lets see....it has been about a month and a half shy of a year since this spark was first lit. (If that gives you any insight as to how fast my life normally moves ;) )

I really wanted to blog something amazing for Sera's first birthday but it was a pretty awful day. I think Solomon woke up simply determined to undermine his sister's birthday. At least she was happy and cheerful and seemed to enjoy herself despite everything going wrong. I guess one year olds have low expectations ;). About 2/3ds through the day, after having tried so hard to straighten all the "offs" out I finally laughed and gave up saying "you know, this is just a perfect example of LIFE!" It never goes as planned and you just have to have joy and make the best of it.

I can't believe how fast my baby girl has grown though...time certainly passes a lot faster with child #2! She has been such a joy to us, especially of late. Her personality is just blossoming! She started officially walking at 11 months so by her first birthday she was practically running everywhere! So much fun! :) She is definitely a party girl and I think will be one of those people who just goes and goes and goes and always wants to be part of everything! She is beautiful and funny and ever so playful. My babies get stranger anxiety pretty badly so she is gradually growing out of that. I have to say that I am very pleased with how my not-very-easy-at-all babies turn out once they hit toddler-hood :D.

Anyhow, life is moving quickly but a few things I wanted to mention that I am really excited about: we are re-carpeting/carpeting our bedrooms!! woohoo! I've been wanting to do this ever since we moved in but it just hasn't happened until now. We are getting our rooms measured Feb. 9th and hopefully sometime around the 12th they will actually get installed. Of course, my website official opening is sometime next month. I am trying to coordinate it with when my dad's catalog is getting mailed out (bc I have an ad in it and there will be a LOT of people getting it). One last mentionable is that something must be wrong with our world because this has been an INSANELY warm winter. Case and point, its supposed to reach a high of 67 degrees today! So thats been nice. Anyhow, we've got a playdate in the park this afternoon and my babies have started screaming in my lap so i'm just going to sign off for now. :P

Sera-baby, potty training day 1:

2012-01-09T13:10:00.001-06:00

I really like potty training my babies early. Yes it is a lot of work, and yes, it may or may not be insane to do it so young but its fun at the same time and very rewarding for both parents and child alike. I've beent thinking for a while now that Sera could start the oh-so-long journey of potty training. I tried working with Solomon on a strategy called "infant potty training" right around the time he started to sit up but we didn't have much sucess and I chalked it up to the fact he was just an oblivious boy ;). It wasn't until he was about a year and a half that I started thinking potty training was feasable again. At 19 months we made a permanent switch to undies (with the exception of diapers for sleeping) and at about 25 months stopped having accidents (except under very rare situations). I take a very very positive approach to potty training and consider it the parents full responsibility to make sure their child is put on the potty frequently enough to avoid accidents.

The one criteria I have found that makes or breaks a child's ability to be sucessfully potty trained, however, is the ability to pee on demand (assuming there is pee to be had, of course ;) ). Solomon learned to pee on demand 4 days after switching to undies, but Sera has been able to do it for a couple of months now! Let that be a testimony to the differences between boys and girls, haha! ;)

The only circumstance that Sera will pee if she has pee under is if she is standing in the bathtub and I sit there saying "its bathtime, go pee!" and that is because every night when I would give the kids a bath I would strip Solomon down and have him "pee in the hole". I like him to just get it all out before the bath so that he wouldn't pee IN the bath 5 seconds later. Well, Sera quickly caught on to the whole routine and I started noticing that 9 times out of 10 she would pee right around the same time as Solomon. I figure, if she knows how to do that then why not start potty training her? The system? Every 20 minutes I take off her undies (yup, I put her in those too...although they are Solomon's old ones and look really funny on her!), let her stand in the tub, say "pee" over and over again until she pees, and then give her a xylotol (sugar, free, naturally derived sweetness) candy. Solomon, of course, gets a piece of candy too for being such a good teacher. ;)

So here we are, halfway through day 1, and our tally so far: 4 sucesses, 1 accident :D My babies make me proud!

a very lovely Christmas...

2011-12-27T22:10:00.001-06:00

We had such a nice Christmas: relatively simple, peaceful, happy, and full of love. Solomon is really at such a good age to appreciate these things and enjoyed himself (is still enjoying himself!) thoroughly! Sera is a very spunky baby as far as activities and parties are concerned so she hung on there and enjoyed herself too :). Brandon and I just had so much fun putting together our play-kitchen themed gifting side of Christmas and even though it was a "big" present, we still felt that it maintained the attitude of simplicity that we hope to celebrate our Christmases with.

Sera woke up early and so she and I had about 45 minutes before the boys joined us. This was perfect, however, because I got to spend some special time with my baby girl and we also were able to cook breakfast before everything else started happening and it got pushed to the side. In this family, mamas and babies are happier with full bellies :). Its kind of funny having an almost-one year old who sees presents and exciting new things and is happy about them but doesn't have the memory to remember them thus spoiling the "surprise." Its like she got Christmas over and over again :). I made a lot of the presents with Sera sitting on my lap or playing beside me and she was just as enthusiastic Christmas morning as Solomon was, haha. She also had been hanging out around the wrapped presents all Christmas morning but as soon as Solomon marched into the room she was right there beside him ready to open their gifts!

The play kitchen was pretty much the most perfect choice, especially for Solomon. Brandon and I cook a lot and spend a lot of time in the kitchen so it makes sense that our wee ones would feel right at home with one as well. Solomon has been constantly "makin food" since then--pancakes, soup, pizza, bread, sandwiches, eggs, everything! I have never seen him so enthusiastic over one thing. As with everything in our lives, this kitchen has presented itself as a tool on the lesson of sharing ;) but I am grateful my children DO have to share everything and will rarely know what it is to have something entirely "mine".

After presents we quickly got ready for Liturgy and hurried off to church. I'm kind of glad our church ended up having a normal Sunday morning timed liturgy instead of a midnight Christmas Eve liturgy like last year because as wondeful as those middle-of-night services are...they make for really really crabby children in the morning. We had a lovely family-feeling potluck after church and then came home to nap the kids. It took a while to get Solomon settled down (understanably) so we didn't get over to Brandon's grandparents house until pretty late. It was nice though to have a peaceful bit of the afternoon to ourselves as well. We spent a couple of hours at Brandon's grandparents house with some of his extended family, had some dinner, drank some of the mulled wine we had brought, and came home.

It was a happy day, for everyone I think. One beautiful thing about having very young, innocent children, is that there is so much room to keep meaning clear. They are not greedy for more and more things that take up all your thoughts and space and time, and they are not bored by hearing repeated stories of the Christ-child who came into the world for our salvation. On Christmas Eve, before he went to bed, I read Solomon "The Story of Christmas" yet again and finally let him unwrap the baby Jesus we had been saving all this time. His eyes lit up when he saw what he had unwrapped and immediately ran to put baby Jesus in his long-awaiting manger. Children get it. And it is so amazing to see the simple beauty of this great mystery when viewing through the eyes of your child.

aaaand videos too :)

2011-12-27T20:13:00.001-06:00

p191.mov Watch on Posterous

a Christmas photo blog

2011-12-27T20:12:00.001-06:00

See the full gallery on Posterous

I'm in the process of posting and organizing Christmas photos to my blog. This first batch is from my phone and this post will be edited later. :)

Christmas Letter 2011!

2011-12-19T07:59:00.001-06:00

I just finished editing our Christmas letter for this year and will hopefully send it out in the mail over the course of today and tomorow. I know I should have posted this at least a week ago but...if you want me to send it to you and you don't think I have your current address, please message your address to me on facebook or email it to: danevicii (at) gmail (dot) com.

Thanks!

anticipating Christmas!

2011-12-17T15:34:00.001-06:00

See the full gallery on Posterous

We finally set up our tree. It was so much fun this year because Solomon is old enough to appreciate the experience. Sera just crawled around but, hey, at least she was happy!

Also, I made us all totally awesome stockings this year. I'm so excited about them I'm not even going to fake modestly, haha :) But don't you agree they are awesome?? ;)

And lastly, we finally bought this adorable nativity set (at Michaels and thanks to a friend for sending us in the right direction, literally). Yay!

I can't do this.

2011-12-13T10:29:00.001-06:00

I must come across so bi-polar in my blog! Well, I am pretty bi-polar so I guess that would make sense ;). Anyhow, yesterday and today have been so overwhelmingly frustrating. I came down with something nasty (weirdly long lasting car-sickness? food poisoning? 36 hour flu?) on the drive back to Topeka and spent the whole next night and day shivering, nauseous, and having painful spasms in my head, stomach, and mid-back. I was a mess, the house becme even more of a disorganized chaotic mess. The kids fussed all day because I kept forgetting to feed them, well Sera was also in a particularly bad mood too. Getting pregnant again has been on my mind and in my heart a lot lately but this experience was really a slap in the face about my current inability to handle 9 months of nausea, weakness, and continual not feeling "up to full speed." That is really depressing because I SO want our next child to be relatively close (as in 2 years apart seems really FAR!) together. God knows best though because I still don't have my fertility back. I keep thinking that as long as I am still nursing two I just won't get it back and, as Solomon doesn't seem inclined whatsoever to wean himself and I don't have the heart to wean him either, I will probably never have children again. Okay, I exaggerate.

It is incredibly stressful to have perpetually fussy, not-sleeping children. I was up all night last night with a restless Sera. She basically gnawed on my breasts all night with the exception of a total of 3 times for no more than 30 minutes each time on her own. She is cutting a tooth, has been for weeks now. Why is this teething business so freaking awful for my children? I use teething tablets, baltic amber teething necklaces, hazelwood necklaces, and occasionally I do use painkillers. I still have babies who stay up all night for WEEKS when they cut a single tooth. Fair? I think not.

So anyways, all Sera has been doing today has been fussing. I get up to cook breakfast, she cries. I get a clean diaper to change her, she cries. I move a pinky finger, she cries. I have too much I NEED to do to have my days be this frustratingly unrpoductive. Ugh.

For Christmas...

2011-12-05T12:46:00.001-06:00

I know I haven't blogged in forever. Things have been crazy as all heck just in our personal home but definitely not helped by our excited business for my younger sister's upcoming wedding down in OK this Thursday!

I really need to send an email out to family who might want to know this but my blog is the easiest way to shout out for now: if you want to get the kids anything for Christmas, our theme this year is wodden/natural materials toy kitchen!!

Brandon and I are buying this toy kitchen for the kids this Christmas and it would be great if we could get a lot of complimenting "supplies" as the kitchen doesn't come with anything. Our idea is to get a smaller more simple kitchen so that we can have more space and flexibility to accesorize. We will hopefully have a little counter/cabinet area built in next to the kitchen so that there will be room enough for both of them to play. I'm also going to make them each a little apron. I'm so excited!!! :)

Ideas of supplies include: pots and pans, fake food, mini-kitchen utensils, mini-eating ware, these adorable wooden tea bags, etc. There are so many amazing options out there it makes me want to buy them all! But, our house still needs to fit our grown up stuff too. ;)

last minute ad

2011-11-17T20:24:00.001-06:00

I was nursing Sera to sleep last night when I suddenly realized that I was supposed to have gotten an ad for my business to my dad on the 15th. Brandon and I put this together last minute and I have to admit, I'm rather pleased with the result. What do you think? Convincing? :D

blah

2011-11-10T21:27:00.001-06:00

Since when is 9:23 pm so very late?? Oh yeah, since I had babies. I really have nothing I *need* to be doing right now and am pretty sure I should be going to bed (nights are long, and mornings early) but I keep put putting on the computer trying to do something to statisfy I have no idea what inside of me. Maybe i'm just tired and my brain is sparking. I will say this--I miss people! I miss my friends in California (you know who you are) my family (especially my next youngest sister who has been at college for what is starting to feel like eternity!), and just that stronger feeling of being connected to others. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Kansas and definitely do feel connected here but its been a long week and I've been busy at home so I feel like I haven't been.

I ramble and digress.

Oh well, I go to bed now.

Bits and Pieces

2011-11-08T10:47:00.002-06:00

There have been so many things I've been wanting to blog about but absolutely no spare time to do so of late. But before I forget them, I'll just jot some down:

Sera took her first step maybe a week ago, but then she took THREE last Friday (11/4....incidentally, my Aunt's birthday--happy birthday Aunt Caroline!). On Saturday she let go of something she was holding, turned towards me and lunged forward getting about 1 1/2 steps in. Needless to say, I think she will be walking sooner rather than later. :)

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The night before last, Solomon slept on Brandon's side of the bed for the first time ever. We moved his whole toddler bed over so that Brandon could become his primary nighttime caretaker. I was tired of night after night after night having to fight with Solomon about nursing. He IS night-weaned, or at least we like to pretend so. But what is morning really? The sneaky little booger kept on waking up earlier and earlier saying it was time to nurse and since we have blackout curtains its a little hard to tell him that one dark hour was that different from the next. It was getting to the point where he would start waking up around 3 maybe, and then waking up every hour or two after that--sometimes up to 5 times! He is two years old and, in my opinion, that is too old for that. The main problem was that if I said no nursing, he would hardly fuss but would roll around in his bed kicking the walls and talking for as much as two hours before finally falling back to sleep and it was just enough activity that I couldn't go back to sleep either. This is a great excuse, though, for Brandon to take over. Anyhow, two nights ago was an AWFUL night. So much crying and walking up...both Solomon and Brandon were too disoriented to help eachother much so I kept on having to get out of my side of the bed, go crawl in between were Solomon and Brandon sleep and soothe Solomon to the point where he would accept Daddy again. We all woke up exhausted. Last night was a little better. So we will see how the next week goes. I am hoping for the best!

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Yesterday Solomon Sera and I joined a friend at a local thrift store. Sera had basically no feminine warm pajamas or clothes so I was ready to stock up. I found a whole bunch of really nice (and adorable!) pajamas, a couple pairs of girly pants, a sweater jacket, and an awesome pink warm suit thingy which was exactly what I have been looking for to put Sera in at night. I cut the hood off and voila! Supposedly she lookes like a little pink marshmallow in it... (i'll post the picture I took with my phone after I finish this post.) I also found Solomon a perfect pair of snowboots for $3.95. Sweet! It was a good day for thrift stor-ing for me. Now all Sera really needs is a warm winter jacket and Brandon has a bunch of his student's mom's looking through all their old baby clothes. There are definitely advantages to having a husband for a teacher :D.

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This morning, during prayers, Solomon turned to babbling Sera and said "Sera, no talking, pray time." I have no idea where he got that from. ;)

He has also been taking leaps and bounds in his ability to understand shapes and structure--example: he can build the most impressive (for a two year old, of course) designs with these magnetic building blocks that my Grandma gave him for his birthday. His FAVORITE thing to do in the whole world is to play for hours with Daddy building together. They are quite the team.

My babies are growing up so fast!

whewie!

2011-11-03T21:44:00.001-05:00

I just hand wrote my "instruction manual" for the creation of a Button Tai. I didn't realize how many steps were in involved but I have 14 pages right here telling me that there are a lot! Hopefully it won't be so many pages typed...otherwise any potential "employees" might get intimidated and decide to quite before they've begun. ;)

We make love happen.

2011-11-01T15:15:00.001-05:00

Follow up.

2011-10-31T13:23:00.001-05:00

I decided I really dislike leaving my blog "hanging." I don't like leaving with an unanswered question with the resolve to have my next post be the answer. Answers don't always happen in the timeline you think they will.

That being said, the only further resolutions I have come to since posting last is that I LOVE being a mother and being full-time available for my children, but I also am not good at all at being poor. More precicely, I am not good at standing by and watching my hard-working husband slave away while feeeling like I am constantly finding reasons to spend the money he earns on house/family related things. I have been trying so so hard to be more frugal in my way of thinking and acting and I know that God has really used this time in our lives to impress upon me the need to be dilligently conservative...BUT, with the particular dynamic that Brandon and my personalities have, our relationship does not thrive when we are under constant financial stress. I prayerfully decided that a life of poverty does not seem to be what our family is called to. Of course, there is a vast spectrum in between totally poor and comfortably rich and I do not think we are meant to be rich either (I honestly believe we would probably end up giving away all our "riches" before we even got to that point). Another dilemma is that Brandon strongly feels that he is called to the priesthood which is not going to be a profitable vocation no matter how you cut it (especially when you add tons of kids into the mix!). So I decided: I want to make money. As much money as a reasonable yearly salary would pull in..but without having to work a typical "full-time" job. I'm going to expand my "business." I'm in the process of setting up a professional website where I will be able to sell my carriers away from Etsy. More importantly, and thanks to the strong encouragemnt and initiative of my dad, I am going to start "outsourcing" and having a few other moms start sewing my carriers too. I redesigned my Button Tai so that it is slightly more simple and more effecient and consistant results would be able to be produced. This is most definitely a several year process as there are SO MANY steps in between "idea" and having a "money making business" but I feel really excited! This definitely seems to be an answer to prayer on so many levels and I really believe that the whole idea has a lot of potential for success. Within the next 6 months I want to be selling carriers regularly through my site and within a year i'd like to be able to start selling on Amazon. Please pray for this whole endevor, if you think of it.

What do I love?

2011-10-23T22:12:00.001-05:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about the imporance it is for someone to be doing what they love. To be more precice, I belive that people should be doing what they love the majority of the time. Happy people just have more energy and seem to be more productive--at least I know that is definitely true for myself. The tragedy of our day and age though, is that many people are not able to do what they love. Of course they can still be happy, as happiness is also based on attitudes and decisions, but it is much harder. For my whole life, all i've ever wanted was to be happy. Of course the end goal of most anyone's desires (be it wealth, property, beauty, posterity, etc.) is basically to attain happiness, for me my goal was just an abstract "desire to be happy". I've known absolute misery and I hate it so whatever is the opposite is my ultimate desire.

I think i've known far more happiness as an adult, but more particularly as a wife and mother, than I ever could have dreamed of. Solomon and Sera are my greatest delights. They bring me so much joy that it often causes me unbearable pain in my heart--the excruciating, piercing, glorious stabs that love brings. Brandon and I have our ups and downs but the ups are so wonderful and the downs so easily forgetable that there is no question in my mind that this is where I was meant to be. However, sometimes I find myself lost, unhappy, fruitless...and I don't know why.

It is hard for wives and mothers to get lost in the identity of someone else. I decided a bit ago that the hardest part about having (more) kids is that there are that many more persons who's needs HAVE to come before your own. Oftentime husbands can wait, but babies usually cannot. I discover once in a while that I remind myself of my parents and one of the ways I find I do is in the way that they allow themselves to give until they are streched to the limit and then suddenly discover they are burnt out. And then they crash. And then they start all over again. I think I tend to embody a more dramatic example of this then they do but it is basically the tendency to allow oneself to be challenged in extreme ways until it suddenly isn't okay any more.

In my case, I funnel every ounce of energy I have into trying to be a "good parent" but I crash when I run out of things to run off of, or I get so discouraged because it seems like despite my efforts I am continuously failing, or I realize that putting all my energy into my children has left my husband stressed and neglected and then I despair of ever being able be everything--aaaaannnd of course there are the many times that I just fall into depression for whatever biochemical reason. That sucks too. The point is: at the end of the day I often find myself unhappy, which I don't think should be the case. (I would like to note that, ironcally, I feel immensely happy this evening...its just been something i've been struggling a lot with these past couple of months and decided to just write about.)

Acknowledging this makes me feel, in fact, like a failure. I want to ask myself the question, "what is it that I want out of life?" but to do so makes me feel selfish and that I do not have a strong enough relationship with God. But really, as a fallen human I feel compelled to figure out the answer to that question and so I ask myself, "What do I want out of life? What do I think will make me happy? What is my innermost desire?"

I don't think I would be able to adequately answer those questions tonight. My brain is quickly fading and my eyesight is blurring. So i'll think about it. And hopefully write again soon.

a favorite toy

2011-10-21T20:24:00.002-05:00

One of my good friends got this cutie at the Farmer's Market as a birthday gift for Solomon. He is totally obsessed with it! I'm not going to lie; I am too. :) I mean, seriously, how cute can a puzzle be??

2 year old Solomon!

2011-10-20T13:57:00.001-05:00

Two year old Solomon is a cute and wonderful thing. He talks oh-so-much about everything but especially about animals--which ones are at the zoo or not and which ones have milk or not (I guess the two most important qualifications in his little mind? ;) ). Like any two year old he has a propensity towards temper tantrums but he gets over them quickly unless he is utterly exhausted/sleep deprived, and in those cases I don't blame him! He is such a sweet and considerate big brother and always is thinking of ways to help and take care of Sera. He especially loves to bring her "gifts" after she wakes up from her nap--for instance, all his favorite toys! He gives Sera horsey rides on his back and they laugh hysterically together about many things, especially "icky" things, haha. He is mama's "best friend". They cook together, clean together, watch "Pingu" together, and go on all sorts of adventures together. Two year old Solomon still nurses 4-6 times a day and asks to do so many more than that--Mama keeps on saying she is going to wean him soon but can't quite bear to do so! Solomon is incredibly smart and can assemble any puzzle he has and works on projects far beyond his age level. His absolute favorite thing to do is to pull up his "big stool" and help Mama wash dishes. Of course, Solomon is Daddy's little buddy too and wants to be just like him! Solomon wants to ride "bit motercycles" just like Daddy, wear wifebeaters to bed just like Daddy and drive the car with "keys lock" just like Daddy. Sometimes they go on dates together: to the mall, maybe, or Home Depot.

Two year old Solomon is not in diapers hasn't been for almost 5 months) but still has the occasional (or sometimes frequent depending on where we are and whats going on) accident. But at least he is trying and when he does well he REALLY does well.

Two year old Solomon falls asleep by himself for naps and bedtime. He still wakes up a few times at night but he goes right back to sleep when Mama comforts him a little. He is also ready to start staying up just a little bit later than his little sister.

We love our little Solomon and are so grateful for these past two years!

Pay Off

2011-10-13T21:01:00.000-05:00

So I haven't been writing about this because I REALLY didn't want to jinx myself (and yes, I am superstitious) BUT..... for the past 2 weeks, Solomon has been falling asleep on his own for both naps and night time. Can I please say that again? Solomon has been falling asleep ON HIS OWN!! Woot woot!!! This is huge, not only for him but for me! Its terribly cute as well. Our pre-sleep routine goes as follows: I usually nurse Sera and him at the same time and when he is done he rolls away and climbs into his bed. He grabs his blankie and then lays there. When Sera is asleep, I lean over and kiss Solomon and whisper in his ear that I love him and that I am going to go do [blank....wash dishes, clean, etc.] and to not wake up Sera because she is sleeping. He says, "yes, Mama" and thats it. I leave and rarely hear a peep out of him until he wakes up. This has truly been a glorious glorious thing. My one consolation in what has been an excessively difficult couple of weeks.

FALL!

2011-10-10T19:04:00.000-05:00

Something New

2011-10-10T14:45:00.000-05:00

I'm in a funk. A major, disheartening funk. I'm starting to feel like I hate Mei Tais, hate sewing, and even hate babywearing! Really, its just a funk though, so don't take any of my hates seriously ;)

I'm working on a new design...I need to have another product to offer. Something that isn't quite as complex as my Button Tai with the hood and all...something simple. Something I can offer for a less price. So here's my first attempt:

I don't think I would be able to do the quilting criss-cross stitches on every carrier if I did start to sell them because it takes an ABSURDLY long time and is tedious to do. But its kind of cute and it serves the purpose I was hoping for--it keeps the head part stiffer. I decided to try this style because 80% of the Mei Tais out there have some sort of fold downable head support for newborns and even though it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me I wanted to try one out to see what I was missing (my babies do tend to pop out with crazy good head control though). Again, because I couldn't afford to buy one made by someone else, I made one for myself. I'll give you a review/update in a week or two.

Otherwise, today is a blah sort of day. I'm completely drained. I've had both children teething for the last week which means not only have they been extra touchy but they have BOTH been keeping me up all night. Last night was the one exception because I just couldn't take it any more and doped them both up on pain killers. Additionally, we had all the funeral and extended family ish going on AND our church's annual Ethnic Food Festival. We were not able to help as much with the festival prep due to said funeral related business but it went amazingly well and I believe the whole church is very excited over the turn out. I'd write a more excited-only-about-the-food-festival-and-about-being-part-of-a-small-church blog post but...yeah, blah and drained.

I have exactly 7 dollars that I can spend for business supplies so I think I might pack the kiddos up into the stroller and meander over to Joannes and see what I can find. Because, in the words of one of the employees, "I think coming to Joanne's is her escape." Yes, yes it is.

a cute

2011-10-08T08:27:00.000-05:00

This morning, after we had all woken up and were headed out of our bedroom, Solomon opened the door, stood there holding it open and said, "C'mon in, Mama."

Melted my heart.

Thank goodness I did something!

2011-10-05T22:02:00.000-05:00

One of my least favorite things in life is having a dirty fridge. Ironically, my absolute least favorite domestic chore is cleaning out my fridge; this is evidenced by the fact that my fridge is almost always cluttered and grimy. I use it at least 6 times a day, and thoroughly clean it no more than twice a year. That's a bad ratio. But cleaning my fridge gives me a whole lot of bad feelings I don't want to have. On a physical level, it is gross. I have a sensitivity to bad smelling things and cleaning out containers of rotting food and half caked spills on the shelves makes me feel repulsed in every way possible. But probably even more powerful are the emotional feelings it brings up on me. To put it frankly, cleaning my fridge makes me feel like a failure.

There are few things so revealing of your failures as a housewife than to throw away container after carton after chunck of something that once was and realize, once that was all perfectly good food--that you wasted. Remembering how much you spent on said items is an even worse feeling. At that point, you might as well have been throwing dollar bills in the dumpster. I really should do it more often though if only to encourage me to be more careful with what I buy and how to strategically use the food I have.

I know I am being melodramatic about this subject but really, this is how cleaning my fridge makes me feel. And so that is why I decided to write a blog post about cleaning my fridge--instead of actually doing it.

Trying to use words to say what cannot be said.

2011-10-03T14:36:00.000-05:00

For some reason all the people I have known in my life who have died, have died very unexpectedly. (The one exception to this was my paternal great-grandma who died at the ripe old age of 89 after many strokes and years in a nursing home.) It is always hardest, this way. You don't have time to emotionally/mentally prepare or say goodbye, and it is definitely harder to know how to feel about it.

Last night, my husband's maternal uncle passed away. The entire situation was a bit complicated but basically the day after coming home from what appeared to be a sucessful heart surgery, he went into a fit and fell unconscious. They determined that in the midst of that fit his heart had stopped for an indefinite period of time. Six hours of CPR later, they finally got his heart pumping adequately on its own. After a couple of days of intensive medical care, the neurologist pronounced there was no way his brain could have survived that duration of oxygen deprivation. Yesterday, the decision was made to take him off of his ventilator--the only thing left keeping him alive.

We were not especially close to this uncle--of course Brandon grew up knowing him but they lived far apart and saw each other once in a while. I hardly knew him at all (as in, met him for the first time when we moved to Topeka and didn't visit much with him these past couple of years). I still feel so sad, however, knowing that there are many people he left behind who will miss him tremendously--Brandon's grandparents, his wife, his brother, good friends, church family, etc.

This happening serves to remind me, yet again, of how strange and ambiguous a thing death can be. That it is truly an abrupt transition from one thing to the next but the greatest mystery possible--even to a Christian. I don't have any more words to say... that is how death effects me.

Poverty is inspiring.

2011-10-02T13:20:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, after carefully examining every small notebook I could find in Target and deciding it certainly wasn't worth the (4,6, 8, 13 etc.) dollars, I was inspired to try my hand at "making" a notebook--as in, hand stitching pieces of paper together in a notebook-like shape. I wanted something with pockets and blank pages so that I could keep all my coupons and Button Tai business notes in one place. Its nothing professional but I am more or less satisfied with the result. Plus, it was fun to make. I feel very empowered by my motto of late, "I could probably make that!" ;)

See the full gallery on Posterous

Full Circle

2011-09-29T21:21:00.000-05:00

It always amazes me how quickly things go from good to bad or bad to good in life. I mean, I feel like I am trying to perpetually balance between the two and one tiny thing could throw me over the edge. Last week was awful. Like so horrifically awful I didn't know how I would make it through alive. But suddenly today finds me enthralled with life and everything it has to offer. I promise, i'm not bi-pilolar (not!) ;). But for serials, I think sleep has a lot to do with it. Sera had 3 or 4 HORRIFIC nights where we really were up all night and I would get out of the bed in the morning wondering if I would just keel over and faint at some point (she wasn't feeling well...had a fever, etc.)--but last night she slept normally and I woke up this morning tired but willing to live yet another day. Trust you me, today was not a perfect day by any stretch of the imagination but I found myself decidedly happy over so many aspects of my life. I feel good about where our family is at right now. Solomon and Sera are at the perfect ages (especially in how they are able to interact with each other), and I think that Brandon and I are finally making consistantly good decisions. We have goals; we work towards those goals; we aren't afraid to pursue our dreams but at the same time we have realistic ideas about what that takes. I'm not trying to be cocky but I am grateful that God has paired me with a partner who is a good match for me in that area.

Anyhow, lest I ramble everyone to pieces I will just mention the few good things that are happening with us right now: Brandon finally found the motercycle of his [realistic] dreams. Its a 1978 Honda Twinstar CM185T...silver and black...and I confess that even I really really like it. Solomon and I were hanging out with it on our back patio earlier today and I was looking at it feeling almost like we had brought in a new family member. We should definitely give it a name. I'll post pictures tomorrow, maybe.

Also, I finally added mini mei tais to my Etsy shop. I decided to call them "Tiny Tais" because Brandon thought "Tot Tais" sounded too much like "titties" and I thought all the other name ideas were just a bit too long. Something simple and sweet was what I was hoping for. I made use of one of my recent sleepless nights by musing over different creative ideas--one of which was the addition of a pocket to the Tiny Tai that matched the theme of my bigger Button Tais i.e. the ribbon and the little applique. I am very pleased with how it turned out.

Solomon has been talking up A STORM lately. He repeats EVERYTHING and delights me with almost everything he says ;) He has an incredibly memory as he has been proving and will relate to me all sorts of things that happened weeks ago. He talks about Sera all the time, dictating to me what she is doing or what she should not be doing. It really is sweet.

And Sera is all over the place. She can crawl super fast but mostly she is just curious about everything. Unlike Solomon, little crawling Sera wants to pull every book and toy off the shelf and grab every fork, paper, plate, tissue, etc. she can find. Fortunately, I came to accept long ago that a house with young children in it will always have a cluttered floor. I think she will probably start walking in the next month or so. She is just about able to walk while only holding on to me with one hand so we will see if she gets determined to do it on her own. She is so much more aggresive in every way possible than Solomon was. Timid will definitely not be a word to describe her (although she is still in the very much shy of strangers stage).

So thats it, thats where we are at right now.

Tiny Tais--because small things matter

2011-09-28T14:26:00.001-05:00

The completed idea:

See the full gallery on Posterous

What do you think? Cute? or Insanely, ridiculously adorable?? ;)

Gratefuls...

2011-09-27T16:04:00.001-05:00

It's about that time again.

I'm grateful for:
-cupboards stocked with new Trader Joes delicacies
-that my two sweet children get along so well and are so fun together
-for a comfy king sized bed
-that Brandon will be home soon
-for this beautiful wonderful glorious fall weather that lets us enjoy time outside each day
-that Sera has been sleeping a lot during her naps today
-for a portable potty chair
-for my amazing, not frustrating, sewing machine (auto tension makes all the difference in the world!)
-for Solomon's sweet gentle kisses
-for friends I can relate to
-for my Chaco sandals that I have had forever
-that my dishes don't *have* to be washed
-or that my house doesn't *have* to be clean
-and that, no matter what, every day has an end that leads to a new one full of possibilities

stuff and things, feel and like (all the lame words i'm not supposed to use) post

2011-09-25T13:53:00.000-05:00

My emotions have pretty much been ALL over the place these last 3-4 days (and no, I'm not pregnant)...Friday night I thought I was just going to die from all the stress toxins inside of me. I would have blogged about it but for the life of me I couldn't figure out what specifically I was so upset about. Part of it was probably that Brandon hurt his foot really badly (hence the crutches, Mary ;) ) and we were pretty sure it was broken. A doctor friend had looked at it and said they thought it was very probable that it was broken but to wait until Monday to see if it improved before gettting and x-ray. I couldn't even wrap my brain around how challening having a husband with a broken foot was going to be for the next 2-3 months, but thankfully it seems to be getting better and if the swelling/pain continues to go down it will be safe to say it isn't broken. Another thing that was peculiarly stressful was that Brandon had been well on his way to buy a small used motercycle (as in, was going to get it yesterday). The motercycle part wasn't what was stressful...we have been talkinga about him trying to get one for a while...but the timing was all off! And the price was just a little off too...the one he had selected was a couple hundred dollars over what we were hoping to spend, and this month, especially, would have been a very stressful month to try swinging that.

Brandon has found a different motercycle that he is interested in...and it is in the right price range...and his foot is doing so well...and for a few other misc. reasons I feel a million times better now. In retrotrospect, I feel so absurd being as overwhelmed as I was. This happens to me a lot. I cannot seem to keep my emotions in check--the more I try to control or stifle them, the more they overwhelm me! Talking helps put them on the table but even then I have to be careful *how* I talk about them--I have a tendency to blame and hurt others if i'm not careful.

So yeah, thanks for reading my random story-of-my-life snippet of the day. ;)

a Fall walk :)

2011-09-24T19:18:00.000-05:00

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the itch??

2011-09-21T13:43:00.000-05:00

I know, I'm crazy. And forgetful. But I think I have the preggo itch again. All around me people are getting pregnant and having babies and my hormones are just going crazy!! Funnily enough, I don't even think I have my fertility back yet.

Last night Brandon and I were talking about plans for the upcoming year and depending on how things work out we may be hoping/trying to head off to a seminary either end of summer 2012 or end of summer 2013. A while ago I decided that if we are going to have a baby #3 in the next year or two I wanted it to be born here, in Topeka. I love love love my midwife (the one I had with Sera) and I wouldn't want my baby to be born in a strange place where we wouldn't even know anyone well enough to pick good godparents. Originally, we had planned on not trying to get pregnant until Sera was about a year old but if we were going to leave for seminary August/September 2012 we wouldn't be able to wait that long. In fact, we'd have to get pregnant pronto! (I want at least my 6 wks pp to recover before having to move across half a country!) We could always just keep our status quo of two children for a few more years but I really really don't want to do that. I know I keep on blogging about how two is such a perfect number of children, etc. etc. but 9 months is a long time and adding years on to those 9 months would be an absurdly long time! My heart really wants our family to keep growing before all those years and months pass. If we did have a third child before leaving, we would probably try to wait until after Brandon gets out of seminary before having any more. I think I could be okay with that.

There are obviously so many variables to consider right now and nothing is certain...by a long shot! And I am definitely not making any announcements about anything. But...three kids? By next July? Can it be done? ;)

(and hopefully Brandon doesn't kill me for writing this post, haha! :) )

it's a beauty!

2011-09-20T13:43:00.001-05:00

My finished new schnazzy:

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a Monday

2011-09-19T14:10:00.000-05:00

I've already had two different caffeinated beverages. That's the kind of Monday today is. I'm supposed to be doing weekly menu plans...but haven't been. At all. So I have no idea what dinner will be..especially since my cupboards are bare. Aaand my stroller has a flat tire that I need to take to the shop after Brandon gets home today. At 6pm I need to be at our church to help the other ladies make spanakopita for our upcoming food festival. According to my calculations not only will I have nothing to make for dinner but also no time to eat it.

Enough about dinner.

It's a beautiful day outside. I was thinking about going to the zoo or the park but, alas, no stroller and trying to just have Solomon walk means going around the block is an all day trek.

Enough about not having a working stroller.

I am sewing a new Button Tai for myself. I figured that since I am a walking advertisement I need something snazzy so while we were in Lawrence on Saturday I went to the sweet sweet fabric store there and picked out a lovely 1/2 of a yard treat for myself. So far it is looking good...but despite my best efforts I cannon steer away from my typical colors: greys, yellows, blues, etc. Oh well. At least it will match all my clothes ;)

Enough about clothes and Mei Tais.

Sera is 8 months old today. I repeat, EIGHT MONTHS OLD. Unbelievable! But I guess children just keep on growing each passing day and voila! She is seriously the most crazy, adorable, fun, lovable child I could ever have imagined and despite all the challenges, these past 8 months have been the best of my life!

Enough tear wrenching.

Solomon is taking his nap right now and Sera needs one in a bit. It would be nice if they overlapped just a little so I could get some hardcore sewing done. Speaking if sleep, my children have been sleeping surprisingly well of late--much to my surprise and gratitude. I hope it keeps up bc sleep feels SOOOO good!

Aaand, enough about sleep.

So yeah, today is a good combination of the bads and goods a Monday can hold. I hope yours isn't too dreadful either!

Not to gloat, but...

2011-09-17T09:41:00.001-05:00

...108 lbs and brand new size 1-2 jeans....thats what nursing two children and eating no wheat, dairy, or beef for the majority of 8 months has gotten me... :)

just a time and a place

2011-09-16T10:51:00.000-05:00

Recently I've been feeling an itch to go on a datenight. with just my husband. I know it may seem ridiculous to some who regularly do go on dates with just their spouses but Brandon and I just don't--nor do we feel especially weakened or deprived by this. But it's been over a year now and Sera is almost to the point where I think she would be okay with us leaving her for a couple of hours (Solomon would be more than okay). So maybe next month while we are down in OK? ;)

maybe

2011-09-15T07:52:00.001-05:00

A while back, Brandon suggested I add mini-tais (or whatever a cute name for them would be) to my shop repertoire. I dismissed the idea because I just wanted to focus on my main product. However, yesterday I made my second one and I decided I really like them! They are cute and fun to make, don't take too terribly long, and could be an additional way to spread the good news of babywearing ;) What do you think? Also, cute name suggestions would be much appreciated. So far I've got "baby-tais" "tot-tais" "little buttons" "baby buttons" and "mini-tais".

A Pause

2011-09-09T08:45:00.000-05:00

I really should be doing something productive right now. Sera is down for her (very short) morning nap and Solomon tends to be more cheerful and easygoing earlier in the day but I just couldn't bear the thought of staying inside. So, I am sitting outside on our patio wearing a hoodie and not really doing anything but enjoying the glorious GLORIOUS cooler weather (and quickly blogging, of course ;) )

I've felt really frustrated this past week with how uncooperative my actual life has been with my plans. Either because of an unexpected bout of sickness hitting our family, prolonged teething issues, poorly sleeping children, or extra daytime fussiness I have been left with little choice as to how to spend most of my time. I worry that this will always be the case and any attempt to do otherwise (ie have a small Etsy business) will just be a flop. It's not even that outside help would make things better or anything, I just need the stars to align...for always.

But this moment, right now, feels amazingly luxurious. I will savor it for all it's worth.

I almost forgot to share...

2011-09-07T14:43:00.001-05:00

my labels arrived! :)

What I really want in life...

2011-09-07T14:12:00.000-05:00

IS:

-enough time to grow and prepare healthy delicious food for my family...for every meal

-enough foresight/wisdom to create a happy, well-taken care of environment for us to live in

-enough money to buy all the healthy food I want to feed my family

-also, enough money to give generously to others often

-to have awesome ideas like all those super cool mommy bloggers out there

-and to not be stressed about any of that.

I'd better get to it!

PANIC

2011-09-07T13:12:00.001-05:00

So, I opened my Etsy shop yesterday. I finally did it despite the fact I neither opened on the day hoped, or with the quantity I hoped. All along I had been telling myself I wanted to open on Labor Day with 6...but the powers that be seemed against me in every way possible and so I swallowed my pride and opened with just 4. In retrospect, I'm not sure what the big deal about six was anyhow. So back to the panicking issue, after putting up my four shiny listings, it suddenly occurred to me: what if no one buys any of my Button Tais?? and then, and even worse thought occurred: what if lots of people do and they all hate them?? I think I can say these two fears are rooted in my deepest fear in life--fear of not being [good] enough.

Apart from all those fears is a lingering nervousness of people thinking I am dumb, ugly, corny, etc. No, I am not begging for compliments right now. It just struck me that if info about my business/blog is up on FACEBOOK (my trial venue before I let it go even more public) then there is the very likely possibility that many people might see the videos and pictures of me. Reason to be self-conscious? I think yes. Oh well, what's done is done. Now I just need to wait...and not have a nervous breakdown in the process.

Two is better than One (for us ;))

2011-09-02T23:35:00.000-05:00

Since Sera's birth, Brandon and I have spent many a moment talking about and awing over how wonderful having two children is. It just feels like such the perfect dynamic for our family right now. Of course, we do want to expand eventually (although on my bad days I can't imagine trying to wrangle THREE!) but we are just really enjoying this time in our lives. I decided to put together a list of all the wonderful things about having two children:

-Two is less lonely than one. 99% of the feelings I had of early motherhood isolation just vanished after I had Sera! I don't know if it was because I had already been a mother for a certain amount of coinciding time or because I got so much busier and so had less time to be lonely but with baby #2 came the magic fix.

-Two is more efficient than one. My sister, a long time ago when I just had Solomon, encouraged me by saying, being a mother is full time whether you have one or five but when you have many you feel like your time is "better spent". This has been true in more ways than I could imagine! When I put my babes down for naps or night I usually nurse and lay with both of them while they fall asleep. It is really nice because one will usually fall asleep while I attend to the other and so I am able to be present with both even if I'm not actually exerting twice the effort. Another example is just in our daily activities I can go on walks, to the park, eat some lunch, play in the back yard, etc. and the effort it takes me is only a tad bit more than only having one.

-Two is twice the love--for everyone. It may take way less than twice the effort to have two (usually) but you don't get cheated when it comes to love! :) Not only do Solomon and Sera have Brandon and I loving them all the time but they have each other, and we them. This has especially struck me in the last few weeks with Sera becoming so much older and more independent acting. She ADORES Solomon and I believe the feeling is mutual. They will be the best of friends and it brings Brandon and I more than twice the delight to watch them grow side by side.

-Two means twice the attention/compliments. If one of my children doesn't get noticed for their cutes, the other does. It is do fun and makes me so proud taking them places because people are constantly commenting to them. Sera especially has a lot of "stage presence" and people just go gaga over her. I am unabashedly vain about this.

-Two is twice (at least!) the grace. I really feel that God has provided above and beyond what I could have imagined for me to thrive through this very difficult time. Having two babies so close together, especially ones as particular and high strung as mine can be, has been mindblowingly challenging for me and yet, in spite of the never ending challenges, God has made this a VERY fruitful time in our family's life. And I am grateful for everything.

Tomato Soup!

2011-09-02T21:12:00.000-05:00

So....I'm eating tomato soup for the third time since Wednesday night. Part of that is because I don't have a whole lot else to eat but most of that is because it's THE BEST FREAKING SOUP EVER! I am not exaggerating. Tomato soup is actually one of my favorites but because I've been off of dairy because of Sera and I didn't believe in tomato soup without milk/cream I haven't had it in a while. I stumbled across a recipe online, however, that intrigued me so I decided to give it a try. I will never go back to the old tomato soup ways again. The best part about this soup is that it is totally vegan, stocked full of healthy ingredients, economical, and super easy! I'll be nice too and not just talk about it but throw in the recipe as well. ;)

Coconut Ginger Tomato Soup

-2 Tbsp. coconut oil (or olive)
-4 cloves garlic, crushed
-3 shallots, minced
-1/2 cup white wine
-1 (14.5 oz) can petite diced tomatoes
-1 (28 oz) tomato sauce
-1 cup unsweetened coconut milk
-1 1/2 cup vegetable broth (or water)
-1/4 cup chopped fresh basil leaves
-1 Tbsp. grated fresh ginger
-salt and pepper to taste.

Sauté half the shallots and half the garlic over med high heat until lightly browned. Add wine. Add remaining ingredients. Simmer 15-20 minutes. Enjoy!

------------------------------------------------

A second recipe for all you wheat intolerant bread cravers out there...

Rice and Quinoa Flatbread

-1 1/3 cup brown rice, ground into flour
-1 1/3 cup quinoa, ground into flour
-1/2 tsp salt
-1 cup water (or as much as you need to make a batter consistency)

Mix ingredients together. Heat skillet (preferably cast iron) on med to med high heat. Put 2 tsp coconut oil in pan and let heat up. Spoon batter as you would pancakes onto skillet ( med thin). Cook 3-5 min on each side making sure it is crispy and brown (these take much longer than pancakes). Repeat.

This is an amazing, nutritious, delicious, and economical gluten free bread option. :)

Busy busy busy!

2011-09-01T21:45:00.001-05:00

I've been going non-stop lately, but it feels good! :) We've been doing many random things which I won't bore you with right now but the biggest on my plate is my attempt to open my Etsy shop "Button Tais" by Labor Day! I may or may not make this self-imposed deadline. So much to do! I'll keep you updated...and reply to all your lovely comments on previous posts later. ;) Lovies!

Smart Solomon! :)

2011-08-31T10:04:00.000-05:00

Dear Readers,

2011-08-28T13:16:00.000-05:00

I never know if I should reply to comments left on my blog or not. I mean, I don't know who would even know I HAD commented back unless they asked the blog service to notify them about following comments on a particular post. I know that some blogs are designed to be for the purpose of converstation (epsecially academic/intellectual blogs) but what about a blog like mine? I never want someone to think their comment had gone unappreciated or unacknowledged because they don't (I love comments so!).

Please, tell me what you think.

Love, Me

Surfin' the Joanne's Wave

2011-08-26T13:49:00.000-05:00

Once upon a long time ago, I thought that Joanne's Fabrics was the worst, most overpriced fabric store ever. I had just moved to Topeka and realized that, apart from Walmart and Hobby Lobby (neither of which can really be considered fabric stores), Joanne's was my only fabric store option. I dreaded having to sew anything because that meant having to go to Joanne's and spend WAY more money than I should--thus making my whole project extravagance rather than prudence. Then, I noticed that Joanne's has regular SALES. Also, I that if you sign up to be on their mailing list you regularly get 40% off COUPONS in the mail. Woohoo. The best part of my getting-the-most-out-of-Joanne's discoveries, though, was when Brandon was given his 15% off (regular and sale priced items!) TEACHERS DISCOUNT CARD. Yes, that made my day/week/month for sure. Also, lately, I have been excited over REMNANTS. If you are getting a portion of a bolt that has little left on it (less than a yard after your piece is measured out, in fact) they ask if you want the remant and if you say "yes", you get that piece for 50% off of what you would have paid that day. That means, if the fabric was 30% off already, you get it an additional 50% off of the 30% off price. That's even better than getting random remants off of the remanant rack! :)

Imagine going into Joanne's and seeing the fabric of your dreams offered at 30% off of the normal $9.99 a yard. You decide to purchase 1/2 a yard. Then, the lady at the counter realizes there is only 1/2 a yard on the bolt after your piece is measured so they offer you that at the remant price. Then you get your 15% off teacher's discount on top of all of that. Your 1 yard of dream fabric will cost....$4.42. Now, imagine how amazing my shopping experience is when my dream fabric is 40% off..... ;)

Frazzled to the Bone!

2011-08-25T20:42:00.000-05:00

Solomon is my never-ending challenge. I feel like every since he was born I haven't had a moment's peace--which is a terrible thing to say about one's child, I know. His most charming and aggreeable time was right after Sera was born and that time was stressful for me because I was trying to take care of a newborn. But seriously, I have no idea what has come over him lately but he is just a terror! Two days ago, after weeks and weeks of being in underwear with hardly any accidents, he decided he didn't care about going pee on the potty any more. He seriously just quit. If I ask him if he has to go pee he says "no" repeatedly with a somewhat whiny tone...and then goes and has an accident somewhere just a few minutes later. We have been having accidents EVERYWHERE and when confronted about the subject he just tries to act as distracted and disinterested as possible. I have been trying everything (better incentives for sucesses, more severe punishments for accidents, talking, begging, trying to understand why it is happening, etc.) with no improvement. I refuse to go back to diapers though...that would just be overwhelmingly depressing. I feel like there should be an answer to the "why?" somewhere but I don't know what it is! Have I been too neglectful of a mother? Is he feeling jealous, resentful, bored...? Has he been picking up on my too high of levels of stress? Is he not feeling well? I was just flabergasted when, while at the library today participating in "baby bookworms", he was sitting on my lap and without a flinch or a blink of an eye peed his pants. I mean, this is after WEEKS of him initiating the use of a potty EVERY time he needed to go.

I wish our potty training difficulties were not the only thing but he has also been a holy terror the last few weeks! Its like, he hit 21 1/2 months and then suddenly decided he was 2. He is a non-stop ball of trouble and I am getting so tired of hearing my own voice say "Solomon, stop" "Solomon, don't do that" "Solomon, don't hit Sera" "Solomon, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING??" I can only imagine how tired he must be of my voice too. And it is showing. I swear, he has just put in earplugs and will not listen to me. Needless to say, I am at the end of my rope. I am in such a high strung state that even the little things are getting to me so badly! I desperately want to be a more patient, loving, and strategic mother but trouble rolls into me so fast I can't even come close to a place I can work from. I worry that maybe this is an indication that everything Brandon and I have done to parent him so far is wrong. :( I suspect that he got spoiled over the summer because everything was so irregular and we had such an unpredictable schedule that our expectations of him and his behavior were very inconsistant. Another possible explaination is that Brandon did just start school again and had been pretty busy/preoccupied with school for a couple of weeks leading up to it so maybe Solomon is reacting to having less time with Daddy and more time that he has to content himself (Mama DOES have other responsibilities other than just playing or reading books with him all day). I am discouraged because I have been trying so hard to make sure I spend at least an hour or two in his special homeschool room and then more time downstairs reading and playing after Sera is down for a nap and yet, the minute I stop, he acts up again. I simply don't have a whole lot more time to give him that intensively. I always try to include him in things I am doing--chores in the kitchen or wherever else I am cleaning, playing with fabric while I am cutting or sewing, etc. We go on walks and try to get out of the house often enough.

He has also been being "mean" to other kids. I put that in parentheses because I'm pretty sure that 90% of the time he isn't acting maliciously--just thoughtlessly--or doesn't quite understand what "fun" is for others (as in, other kids, especially girls, don't like having pushing wars). But that 10% of just being mean really bothers me. Brandon and I are do not push and hit him so why is he doing it to others?

I'm stuck. I don't know where to go from here. This is quite a blow to my pride as I was just starting to feel like Solomon was the best child around and was SO proud of how he was the youngest of his peers to be potty trained. That's probably the real reason this is all happening. Blah.

Thankfuls by the Baker's Dozen

2011-08-24T13:05:00.000-05:00

I am having a tremendously challenging and stressful day today...which means it is time to focus on the positive!

Thankfuls:
-a sleeping toddler
-raspberry ginger kombucha
-a husband who has a job (that he likes!)
-a double jogging stroller that helps us get out of the house more easily when we don't have the car
-cute and inspirational fabric prints
-something easy to make for lunch
-an air-conditioned house
-a vacuum cleaner
-my awesome iphone
-a sister who can do graphic design
-the discovery of hazelnut milk iced coffee
-"button tai" fabric labels that might arrive in the mail today
-and that Sera is finally willing to move herself from point "A" to "B" without incapacitating herself with frustration

Why my babies hate my milk.

2011-08-22T15:20:00.000-05:00

For the last nearly 2 years I have felt like my breastfeeding infants hated my milk. I kept on going back and forth as to whether or not I was just making it up but my self confidence in my ability to make my child happy through breastfeeding was contstantly threatened. I begin with a newborn in my arms who usually starts crying within a day, is in full blown nearly constant crying within a week or two, and then stays abnormally fussy for months and months and months. They also do not apparently enjoy nursing but tend to peck nurse sometimes WAY too often. An example of this is Solomon would nurse for no more than 5 minutes total but would HAVE to nurse every 20-45 minutes day and night. Another example is that Sera will sometimes just go on nursing strikes and refuse to nurse for a couple of hours even though she shows every other sign of being hungry and uncomfortable.

Various theories I have had as to why this is the case have ranged from thinking it was just the fault of my oversupply issues or because of possible food intolorances. I have reasearched the issue extensively, too, but have found only marginally helpful information.

Today, however, I found a brilliant article that basically summed up an explaination for ALL the issues I have had. I was (and still am) overjoyed. I feel that I understand the problem so much more clearly now and have been given a strategy to "fix" at least the fussiness/sleeplessness of my babies. Here is a link to the article: http://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bfinfo/lactose.html but I will also sum it up below. The article is quite precise and comprehensive so I reccomend that anyone who has reason to care about the subject not just go off of my summary but read the article itself.

The article first clears up the misunnderstanding that a baby can be lactose intolorant in the proper sense. As human breastmilk is one of the highest in lactose (milk sugar) content, it is imparitive that a human infant is able to digest lactose. Around the age of 3-5, the enzyme (lactase) that a human baby produces to digest this lactose decreases (sometimes significantly!) but not before. However, it is possible for infants to suffer something called "secondary lactose intolorance" which means that their enzyme producing folicles can be damaged such that their digestive system won't produce adequate lactase. This can actually occur very easily as the folicles are located on the very tips of the microscopic folds of the intestine. The conditions that could dammage them are listed as

Gastroenteritis.
food intolerance or allergy. In breastfed babies, this can come from food proteins, such as in cows' milk, wheat, soy or egg, or possibly other food chemicals that enter breastmilk from the mother's diet, as well as from food the baby has eaten.
parasitic infection such as giardiasis or cryptosporidiosis.
coeliac disease (intolerance to the gluten in wheat and some other grain products).
following bowel surgery.

I think in the case of MY babies, it has probably just been food intolrances. With Solomon I wasn't wise enough to track what was bothering him when he was entirely breastfed but I started learning with Sera. She has issues with wheat, dairy (except eggs), beef, almonds, peanuts, and possibly soy products. I have, not 100% consistently, cut those things out of my diet for most of her life. The problem for me was that I couldn't figure out why she wasn't getting better and why if I did slip up and eat just a little tad of something on the no no list she would be fussier than ever. This is where the article was very enlightening.

Evidently, it takes 4-8 weeks for the digestive system's lining of a child younger than 18 months to heal. If you were doing a typical elimination diet, you would only have to go without a given food for 2 weeks to see if the child would get better. That's why I could never put my finger on the precise aspects of Sera's problems. After 2 good weeks I might take a bite of toast or cookie or eat some cheese, etc. thus causing her "tips" to be dammaged all over again! What really confused me was how she didn't really seem to become THAT much less fussy or sleep THAT much better during those two weeks. The reason for this, as explained in the article, is because if her lining, and thus those enzyme producing tips, were dammaged and not given adequate time to heal, my breastmilk itself would still be giving her pain! Crazy! Fortunately, the article strongly advises against switching from breastmilk to formula saying that that would probably only aggrivate the problem as breastmilk is desgined to heal the lining of the digestive tract vs. formula which wouldn't. The solution is to do an elimination diet for 4-8 weeks, figure out what exactly is destroying the lining (probably wheat or dairy) and then just keep that 100% out of the breastfeeding mother's diet.

The most helpful part about the article is the last part which explains how "lactose overload" mimics "secondary lactose intolorence" but is actually different and in what ways.

What I learned from all this is that Sera (and Solomon) definitely did have issues with lactose overload but don't any more because my milk supply has adequately stabalized but that she still is suffering from a dammaged gut which I need to take the time to meticulously heal. I will probably still have to avoid wheat and dairy for an indefinite period of time but maybe I will be able to add beef and nuts back someday... :P

beginning a good year...

2011-08-18T21:51:00.000-05:00

Brandon hasn't *officially* started school yet but today he had a full inservice day and tomorrow will be one as well. We (as in Solomon, Sera, and I) have been migrating back towards a more *normal* routine but today was the first day it felt like we were almost there! Mostly, I'm just happy because we used our little homeschool room for more homeschool-y stuff for the first time today. It made me realize how many things I'd still like to add to it (for instance, a clock and a trash can would be nice :P)!

I think this is going to be a really good school year. Brandon will be teaching 5th grade for the third year and supposedly, its the third year when you start to see payoff. His first year was just spent getting used to the whole teaching thing/system, his second working on more personal touches to that system (curriculum), and hopefully his third year will be a fun explorative year! :) Hearsay has it that his class might be a bit challening but I think that he will jive well with them.

As to us here at home, I am excited to start being more intentional with Solomon and Sera and the way we spend our time together. I believe they will really thrive off of that! My heart is full of excitement and joy again so I am very grateful for that.

Well, happy new academic year to everyone!

Something exciting!

2011-08-15T08:39:00.000-05:00

I know it's early, 8:32AM to be precise, and you might be asking what on earth could have happened that was quite so exciting at quite such an early hour but let me tell you. I had Brandon list my Beco Butterfly carrier on craigslist this weekend. I just had a feeling it needed to be then. To my delight, someone called wanting to buy it. To my further delight there was no talk of suggesting a lower price so I would probably get exactly what I wanted: $90--which is a lot of money! She said she would come by this morning between 8 and 9. Nothing prepared me, however, for the delight I experienced when I discovered that the person buying my carrier was an ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN MOM from Lawrence (a nearby town) who had just come from the 6:30 liturgy at OUR church this morning! Not only that but she informed me that their parish now has 50-60 people (bigger than our church) who attend regularly, most of whom are families just like us! When we moved here we asked about Orthodoxy in Lawrence and were told it was a small mission not-even-parish comprised of a few college students and no resident priest. I don't know if they just went through dramatic changes over the last 2 years or if we were misinformed. Either way, I am ecstatic with the current situation. We exchanged contact info and I begged her to invite me if ever they have an Orthodox moms get together in Lawrence. And to think, this whole time I thought Sts. Peter and Paul was it for Orthodox near Topeka, KS. Oh happy Feast!

growing up :)

2011-08-13T13:04:00.000-05:00

A Hole in my Heart

2011-08-12T10:15:00.000-05:00

For months now I've had a growing emptiness in my heart. I feel like I am in some sort of relational limbo. All the friends I used to be close to I interact less and less with, mostly because we are in such different places now (geographically and circumstantially). This pains me to realize. Other friends who I have so much in common with live too far away to really feel close to. And as hard as I have tried I just haven't been able to feel close to people here in Kansas. Its been two years since we moved and I'm kind of afraid of how isolated I might be feeling in another two. My only consolation is that I do get to see family once in a while but he 5+ hours between where they live in OK and where we live in KS can seem terribly far sometimes.

The worst part of it all, however, is when I find myself peering into the lives of people I know via FB and sadly realize how disconnected I am from them all. I just don't think it can be helped at this point. Even the sweet memories I have of past times in college, etc. have turned bittersweet. Life after school is a strange strange world that I don't understand. Life in the adult/parenting world is even more strange.

I keep on hoping that one day I will find my place--that I will be surrounded by like-minded people with common interests who want to be around me and vice versa. Just one thing--like religion or the fact we both have kids just hasn't cut it so far.

My tendency in these situations is to start contemplating moving to different places--wondering if putting myself in a different situation in the hopes that things would be better. Probably they wouldn't be. What I need to remember that we very clearly know that God has us here right now for a reason and that I need to be at peace with the fact and make the best of it.

Not Understanding my Toddler

2011-08-11T20:39:00.000-05:00

I need to read a book entitled "Understanding Your Toddler" because that is exactly what is not happening right now. Both Brandon and I are blown away by the countless times we have to say, "Solomon, what were you thinking??" I know it only gets worse for a while and that any parent reading this might chuckle a bit to themselves but I am truly frustrated with Solomon but more especially frustrated that I can't figure out how to understand him sometimes.

Today at the library he pushed down his little friend. Unfortunately, she was standing on a ledge and enevitably fell off and slammed her face/head onto the floor. I was mortified. If it had been the first time something like this had happened I would have just assumed I could correct him and we would move on but he has pushed some child every single time we have been with one! Again and again I have reprimanded him for it but he continues to push. I am not trying to justify him or anything but he doesn't seem to be doing it with malice...most of the time. A few times I have watched him try to tell someone to do something he thinks they will like and then shove them a wee bit too hard in the direction he wants them to go. If I hadn't seen the first part I would just have seen him pushing another child. Other times, however, he definitely is just pushing to push--like when he pushes Sera. He thinks it is hilarious to see her fall down! Solomon does not have a mean heart...but I don't want him to get away with doing habitually mean things.

The other type of bewildering thing he has been doing is just dumping or putting random stuff in random places. I'm sure to his little 22 (almost) month old mind it just seems neat and explorative but it is driving us crazy! Last night, before we could even blink an eye, he grabbed the open salt container and DUMPED a heap of salt on the lovely meal Brandon had just grilled for us. He also is constantly pouring water in random places despite our many attempts to correct him. He also throws random things, sometimes severely hurting people.

If I had to guess, I would say that Solomon is just as frustrated as we are. I suspect that oftentimes he is reacting out of boredom and lack of proper direction for his energy. I blame myself for that. Hopefully, with the reinstating of our more predictable, routined daily lives this school year a lot of that will just be solved. *sigh* Oh terrible almost twos...

Accenting with Houseplants

2011-08-10T15:08:00.000-05:00

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Seriously, why did we not think to get some nice ones before? They have simply transformed our space! Good thinking, Brandon (why yes it was his idea :D).

Yes, Mama.

2011-08-07T20:52:00.000-05:00

The lovliest words my Solomon has spoken yet are those two: "yes, mama." it must be the way he says them that just melt my heart so. He has been having a lot of trouble with getting WAY distracted and ignoring of our instructions so I have been having him say "yes, mama" after I tell him something just so that I know he heard me. He has taken to just responding with that before I even tell him to now and I almost die from the overwhelming feelings of affection I have when he does. So gentle. So sincere. So loving. Motherhood is sweet.

a thorn in my side

2011-08-06T16:40:00.000-05:00

I've struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. It will come and go with the various seasons of my life but it is always there in the background threatening to darken my spirit at the most unlikely or inopportune times. Various coping mechanisms I have learned help me to not overreact to feelings I can't make sense of but no amount of mental discipline can make them just vanish. And so I find myself on the brink of a potentially life changing business endeavor with so many other exciting and wonderful partuculars...and not an ounce of joy to energize me. I don't know why I'm struggling right now but I find it to be most inconvenient. I suspect it could be a temptation--goading me to become lazy with the work that is before me or to be impatient and unkind to those that I love. Regardless, it helps to write about it and I pray my dark cloud will be lifted soon.

a homeschool room coming together...

2011-08-05T23:09:00.000-05:00

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My original goal was to have this room operational this summer but then I realized we probably wouldn't be using it during the summer. I think I will have it really for the start of the school year, though. :)

I was so excited to find a lovely wood child-sized cabinet at a garage sale yesterday. I think all I still need is a small bookshelf and to print out my alphabet wall decorations.

Oh yeah , and to finish/resize the curtains (funny story about my curtain measurements being WAY off).

For Realses??

2011-08-05T07:00:00.000-05:00

I am getting nervous and excited because it looks like I really am going to embark upon this Mei Tai business adventure!! Of course, I had to previously convince Brandon that it was for reals so that he would let me buy a shiny new sewing machine but I'm not sure if I was really convinced myself. Now, I have to be!! I have been getting so much encouragement and feedback about my Button Tais and feel so inspired and blessed by it all! There is still so much to be done though. My to-do list just seems to be getting longer every day!

So far, here is what I still need/want to do before I open shop:

-make at least 4 more Button Tais

-start a Button Tai Blog

-take a few more professional-like photographs

-decide for sure on pricing and return policy details

-figure out best shipping and packaging options

-decide on an Etsy shop name

-somehow, magically, make my children happy forever so I can sew more ;)

Sera fell off the bed.

2011-08-03T07:57:00.000-05:00

Last night, just as I was about to turn in myself, I heard a notorious thud sound from the bedroom followed by a shrieking wail. Sera has been trying like crazy to crawl, stand, move in any way possible lately so I knew it was just a matter of time before she found her sleepy way off our bed. Knowing the inevitable is going to happen doesn't usually help that much when it actually does happen so o course it freaked me out. Sera was fine though and fell back to sleep within moments of being put on the breast. Thank God for breasts...and for super low bed frames.

I have beautiful things.

2011-08-02T09:00:00.000-05:00

I am often bemoaning our less-than-ideal income life. Brandon is an amazing teacher and really puts his heart into it but the tragedy of our day and age is that teachers, especially private school teachers, simply don't get paid very much. I'm pretty sure he is the ONLY teacher at his school that is the sole provider for his family. I have been looking around our home lately, however, and been realizing what a nice life we have! Thanks to hard work, the support and love of friends and family, and of course the grace-filled providence of God we have become surrounded by wonderful things! I love our house. It is just the perfect size with possibilities to grown and improve. I love how we are using the space--with a cozy den area to play and relax in with a cool and clean-feeling dining room/living room joint area. I like how we have two bedrooms downstairs, one upstairs, and maybe a second upstairs if we wanted to convert the attic (which would be the COOLEST bedroom ever!!). I like our basement, our not-too-small bathroom and especially our backyard!! Our garden is just beautiful right now and producing so many lovely vegetables! I love our brick patio area out back with our table and 4 chairs, amazing grill, and peaceful environment. I especially appreciate our super sized clothing line which I often use to hang our cloth diapers. :) Our fridge is perfect, our table is lovely, the pictures we have hung on our walls are beautiful! I adore our king sized memory foam bed and the japansese-style frame that holds it. Pretty much everything in my life I think, "gosh, I really like that."

So in all humility, I decided I really have beautiful things. :)

Button Tais!

2011-08-01T23:00:00.000-05:00

Today, I am excited to post about my upcoming business endevor: Button Tais! I am planning on selling these on Etsy. I'm rather proud because I not only sewed them but I also designed and drew the pattern! Everything has been working out so providentially as far as this "business" is concerned and I really feel that God has given me this opportunity as a side income to prepare us for when Brandon will hopefully go to seminary (fall after next?) and won't be working.

My sister Fiona and I put together this photo shoot while she was up here recently and I am so pleased with the results! (at least the pictures of her, at any rate ;) ) My goal is to have 6 complete Mei Tais to sell before I list anything. I have two done so far... so maybe by August or September?

See the full gallery on Posterous

my new favorite board book

2011-07-30T08:33:00.000-05:00

We were in Barnes and Noble yesterday and I came across the sweetest book. It's called "You Are My I Love You". I guess what really struck me about it was he way it captures the beauty of a parent-child counterpart relationship through the ordinary--that everything has become joy when you have someone in your life. My favorite lines are...well, actually, all of them but if I had to choose one "I am your wait, you are my wiggle." is pretty stinking adorable.

in love with this:

2011-07-27T15:13:00.001-05:00

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And fortunately Solomon is too. It is an ingenious and adorable stuffed elephant from Target. You pull the tail and it winds the lullaby music box inside. Seriously, best lovey ever. You can't find anything else this good online or at any other store. Trust me, I looked. Also comes as a monkey. :)

everybody loves a picture! (or five)

2011-07-26T21:17:00.001-05:00

part of our day in Kansas City

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cuties in hats!

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Why an iPhone

2011-07-26T14:57:00.001-05:00

If it was up to my own wallet, I would never have splurged on an iPhone but thanks to the generosity of my father-in-law we updated our phones early and I decided to take the plunge. Mostly I just wanted to to basic stuff like check my email and blog in the random free moments I have during the day instead of having to set aside chunks of computer time to do those things. I guess we will see which one is actually more efficient ;) Our digital age is scary though with how amazingly complex and connected information has become. I'm not convinced that I will like having bought into it to this degree...

trying a multiple picture post

2011-07-26T10:38:00.001-05:00

Solomon and my masterpiece!

aaaand my first picture ever taken with this phone.

picture test

2011-07-26T10:33:00.001-05:00

Sera this morning :)

first iPhone post

2011-07-25T21:39:00.001-05:00

yup, I have one :D

restless mind

2011-07-25T14:14:00.003-05:00

I was laying in the grass at the park a few days ago just with Sera when it occurred to me that I really was unable to just relax, clear my mind, and enjoy the moment. So sad! I guess the downside of having two very active, needy babies is that I have little downtime to even practice leisure. I am almost constantly busy all day and then fall into bed exhausted each night. Plus, both of them are SUPER short nursers (no more than 5-6 minutes and usually not even that) so it is hard to get a thought in edgewise when they are wiggling like little monkeys for 5 minutes and then are done!

Especially when it comes to church and prayer, I do not remember how to pray for longer than about 30 seconds in a undistracted way because I am always attending to one small person or another. That can't be good for my soul, right?

I think I need to be more intentional in disciplining my mind to be in a more peaceful, leisure-receptive state when I can so that I am not always carried away with to-dos and details. Otherwise, if I spend 20 years raising young children and becoming more and more crazy, when they grow up and I don't have to care for them in the same way any more I will be lost with what to do with myself!

a few picts

2011-07-25T11:24:00.003-05:00

Solomon

2011-07-23T09:46:00.005-05:00

I'm not feeling super blogging-inspired right now but because I've been so delighted by Solomon lately, I just want to write a bit about him.

This morning, Solomon pointed to Sera's yellow diaper and said "lellow" and then pointed to a green one laying nearby and said "geen". He has been talking up a storm lately--repeating everything we say and initiating a lot of conversation! Its been so much fun getting to know what is on his mind and having him feel comfortable in his ability to convey his needs to us. He still doesn't talk as much as I think Sera will (you know, he will definitely be the strong silent type) but for himself is becoming rather chatty. He still LOVES reading books and says all the words after we read them.

He is also 100% successful at peeing and pooping in his potty chair of his own imitative so long as he isn't wearing a diaper or has undies he can't pull down in time on. The only accidents we have had in the last week were because we were out and about and forgot to put him on the potty chair within 30-40 minutes. (When we aren't home, I set my watch and try to make sure he gets on every 30 minutes. He can usually go up to 45 without having an accident but not all the time.) It is really cute because he will be playing with his toys or something and then all of the sudden will perk up, say "pee in potty", jump up and run to his potty chair, and then pee. It makes me so proud every time! :)

The funniest thing he has been doing lately is putting on his new baseball hat he got from the zoo and then twisting it to be crooked on his head and then wearing it like that for hours! He is such a punk. Also, when he runs, he moves his little arms back and forth just like runners do...it makes him look so grown up!

Within the last few days, he finally decided that he does want to cuddle with blankies and stuff animals when he goes to sleep. This is a first! I've been trying desperately his whole life to get him to attach to something like that so my boobs wouldn't have to be the only comforting thing in his life. His blankie (meaning MY blankie, yes my wonderful soft 24 year old blankie) he calls "towel" and his favorite stuffed animal is a dog. As soon as I drape his "towel" over him, he is out like a light. It is wonderful! I wish I could say he stayed that way but we've been on another wake-up-all-night run for the last month or more and he has been waking up 4-6 times a night. I can't figure out how to get this child to stay asleep! Between Solomon and Sera, Solomon is definitely the worse nighttime sleeper. (I guess it doesn't help that I went back to nursing him at night but...I'm just afraid that if I stop my fertility will come back.)

Solomon's favorite activities are to draw with crayons and paint with his watercolors. He is such a careful artist and chooses precisely which color he wants to use and exactly where he wants to use it. His artwork is very colorful too :). He is a child after my own heart! His favorite show to watch is "Pingu" which is a claymation show about, you guessed it, penguins. He would watch it for hours if we let him! We do try to restrain ourselves a little bit, though ;).

Anyhow, I could write so much more about him but I don't want to be tedious. Its just really fun having your child progress through all different stages and just to delight in watching them grow! :)

Trader Joe's Pilgrimage!

2011-07-19T10:14:00.002-05:00

I even brought my camera to take pictures but, as I learned, spending a day driving around in 100 degree high humidity weather with two babies in a car with no air conditioning is not only INSANE but is also not conducive to remembering to take pictures. Anyhow, the Trader Joe's in Kansas City, MO opened last Friday but we didn't make it out until yesterday. 4 days after the grand opening and it was P A C K E D!!! Holy moly, the check out lines filled half the store and the store definitely wasn't small. We pulled up nearly dying from heat exhaustion and dehydration but the feeling of walking into that wonderful, air conditioned food paradise was just about the best feeling ever.

We would have stocked up on all our favorites but half the shelves were empty. Yes, that many people had been shopping there. Anyhow, we did get our favorite marinara sauce (bought the last 5 jars), two dark chocolate pound plus bars (my favorite!), brown rice noodles and a few other misc. items. We will definitely have to make a return trip in a month or so. I would go sooner but even in weather that isn't insanely hot, the two hour round trip is grueling.

Solomon is screaming on my lap so I think i'd better sign off. *sigh*

this and that

2011-07-17T14:45:00.002-05:00

Man, it feels like we have been really busy lately! This summer has been an incredibly fruitful time to catch up with family, good friends, and all the misc. things in our lives that get pushed to the side during the school year.

This past week we have been enjoying the stay of Brandon's best friend from Las Vegas (also his best man in our wedding), Mike. It was his first time meeting both of our children and I hope he has enjoyed this time as much as we have! Also, last Thursday my sister and her fiance stopped by for a day on their road-trip from Michigan to Oklahoma, and my dad and brother also stopped by on their road-trip from Oklahoma to St. Mary's, KS. We had a big, delicious BBQ dinner to celebrate. It is so nice for us that family comes through once in a while because otherwise we would be sad and isolated. Traveling too much with babies is challenging.

Tomorrow, we will be taking Mike to the airport in Kansas City and then afterwards going for the first time to our new, shiny Trader Joes. I'm very excited about that last part! :)

As for now, we are off to an afternoon at the North Topeka water park because it is H O T!!!

Oh how the seasons change!

2011-07-13T09:36:00.003-05:00

It amazes me how quickly the cycles of my life change! A month ago, I had a Solomon who was crying or screaming constantly (maybe he was teething?? no teeth to prove it yet.)and definitely more of a baby than a young boy, and Sera who was waking up CONSTANTLY at night and still too young to really enjoy and be involved in things. I thought I was going to die. Then, one day, I woke up and Sera was nearly 6 months old and Solomon was a genuine talking toddler who I found myself potty training. Every day is like Christmas now! ;) Both Solomon and Sera are sleeping well (although Sera is sleeping much better than Solomon, if you can believe it) and we can hardly wait to wake up for a new day of exciting pees in potties and other fun times (Sera is just SO much fun right now). I've just been thinking about that a lot lately.

Also, I want to jot down really quickly how well potty training is going! Yesterday we had the most amount of accidents but I think that was because company had just come into town and we were all really distracted. Our biggest success yesterday was that Solomon woke up in the morning with a completely dry diaper, peed a whole lot in his potty chair, and only wore a diaper once for the rest of the day and that was for his nap but didn't ever pee in it!! We even went to the mall for about an hour and a half, brought the stroller and potty chair with us and just had him go periodically while we were there. It was totally successful and he didn't wet his big boy undies once! The times he did wet his undies were when he was laughing too hard (he would go a little pee less 10 min after he had last peed which is more indicative of weak bladder control than an actual "accident") and once when he had to poop he hid around a corner because he was shy of our guest and I didn't notice because I was distracted.

Today also seems to be going well. He had a fairly rough night last night (but slept in until past 9!! :) ) and so his diaper was definitely wet when he woke up. We put him on the potty right away though and he went a ton! aaaand then proceeded to pee another three times in a row. Man, this kid can store his pee!

A momentous chore I did yesterday: I packed away half the cloth diapers. Hooray!!! :)

potty training picts! :)

2011-07-13T09:18:00.003-05:00

SOOOO proud of my Solomon!!!

2011-07-10T21:35:00.003-05:00

I should be going to bed right now but I just have to shout it out to the world: my little boy is so grown up!!! Potting training is going AMAZINGLY well! Solomon had only one accident today and it was entirely my fault. Granted, we did have him wear a diaper while at church, during his nap, and when we ran to Walmart but other than that...he must have peed in the toilet a dozen times or more! Half of those times were even of his own initiative!! :) What I am most excited about, though, is that he seemed to make a real breakthrough today. Yesterday, we had him sitting on the toilet at regular intervals and also if he seemed like he might be getting ready to go. It was pure luck if time he sat down and the time he needed to pee coincided. Today, however, he figured out HOW to pee. After he woke up from his nap and nursed, I immediately put him on the potty chair and he went quite a bit. Of course, we cheered and gave him his reward: two little xylitol candies. The breakthrough came when he decided to sit a second time right after and peed a literal pea sized drop. Of course, we cheered and gave him candy again! So a minute or so later, he sat down once again and peed another pea sized drop. Same reward. He got really excited and for the rest of the day would just periodically sit down on his potty chair and do whatever he had figured out to do to get pee to come out. And it worked almost every single time!! :)

We are so very proud of our Solomon. Today, at Walmart, we bought him some ceremonial underwear. He doesn't actually like wearing them yet but boy does he look grown up in them! Its crazy to think in just a couple/few days here I will only see him in a diaper for naps and nighttime and the rest of the time it will be big boy undies! Finally, my child who has suffered being so very big bottomed for so long (thank you cloth diapers) will finally have a properly sized bum. ;)

a belated announcement

2011-07-10T13:39:00.002-05:00

In case anyone noticed or was confused, I did change my profile name to "Irene." I decided it was time to grow up and be someone different than "Gilleeflower" lol. Plus, Brandon's blogger profile name is "Solomon" (his patron saint) so I figured it would be appropriate to go with my patron saint too. :)

Its time!

2011-07-09T16:07:00.002-05:00

We are officially in the throes of potty training! Solomon has been showing an increasing awareness of when he has to (or is!) going pee or poop so yesterday we stripped him down and started keeping track of everything and making sure he sits on the potty at regular intervals. I am having better luck just letting him run around naked, watching him every other second to check to see if he is showing any signs of needing to pee or poo and then whisking him up and putting him on the potty chair if he does. So far, we have had only 3 pee accidents. But let me tell you, this potty training business is exhausting!! I am tempted to do it the way one mother recommended--for three days keep a diaper on them and put them on the potty every 30 minutes and spank them if they pee in their diaper--but I think i'm going to try sticking to positive reinforcement if at all possible. So far, positive is all I seem to be needing.

Is it selfish of me?

2011-07-08T09:23:00.004-05:00

I really don't want to get pregnant right now. As in, REALLY DON'T WANT TO GET PREGNANT RIGHT NOW. I don't actually have my fertility back yet (a miracle since I got it back at 4 months PP with Solomon) and we aren't really doing anything to prevent pregnancy if I was fertile (i'll start tracking my cycles again when I can) but I guess I just spend a lot of time thinking about how much I don't want to get pregnant in the near future and asking God to not let it happen--and it is that that I feel guilty about. It makes me feel guilty because I come from a subculture that believes that when a person gets pregnant it is God's will and therefore one needs to be very open to that possibility, which is a good attitude to have under most circumstances, but having had two babies so close awfully close together makes me acutely aware of the strain and stress that not only puts on me but also on our whole family! I just don't want that again. Of course, any time a new baby enters a family there is a certain amount of stress and difficulty but I am sure that it is more difficult when the last child is only a mere 15 months old--basically still a baby themselves!

To be clear: I am ever so glad that things happened the way that they did with Solomon and Sera. They are the best of friends and are my two sweet babes. I love them and they love each other and we make for a happy trio (when Brandon isn't around). Its just the thought of adding a third to the mix in the same time sequence that overwhelms me. I just know I wouldn't be able to handle it. Sera will be 6 months this month (on the 19th). Solomon was 2 days shy of 6 months when I got pregnant with Sera.

My hope is that sometime around Sera's 1st birthday, or later, I will get pregnant again. That is DOUBLE the amount of not pregnant postpartum time I had last time and I would savor every month of it. It is terribly difficult getting pregnant again so soon after having been pregnant and trying to take care of your 6 month, 7 month, 8 month, 9 month, etc. old baby at the same time. With Sera, I was 7 1/2 months pregnant and STILL carrying around a baby, since Solomon didn't start walking until he was 13 1/2 months old! My greatest sadness, however, was the fact my milk started to really run dry when Solomon was about 9 months old and he switched entirely to solids just shortly after. That was far too young, in my book.

I am just enjoying this time so much with my Solomon who is at such an exploitative, absorbent stage and with my Sera who is on the cusp of so many new and exciting things. She is going to start crawling soon and is just so curious and dynamic. I want to be able to enjoy this and not be exhausted and in the throws of morning sickness. There are also so many things I want to do. I am hoping to start a small Etsy business selling Mei Tais of my design; I want to be able to work outside around our house and property; I want to have summer adventures at the water park and zoo and with friends; I want to continue being able to do more and more each day as my children become more content and independent.

I worry that I am being selfish and feel guilty over all this, and yet when I look at the picture objectively it seems like quite a reasonable request to not get pregnant for just one year after having had a baby, right?

Is it possible with children?

2011-07-07T21:23:00.004-05:00

Brandon and I are often quite faux pas in how little time we spend without our children. The fact of the matter is that we have made a conscious decision not to pump or bottle feed our them and, as they happen to be very frequent nursers, we basically never leave our babies behind. The first alone date we took as parents was for our anniversary last year when Solomon was around 9 months old. We haven't had one since.

This year on our anniversary (as in yesterday) we spent our entire day within the vicinity of our two children, and believe it or not, it was the best anniversary ever! :) We did simple, kid friendly activities all day, loved each other greatly, and enjoyed a couple hours to ourselves on the floor eating cheesecake after the babes had been put in bed.

I know it is popular right now for couples to get time for just themselves regularly, however, it doesn't seem that historically a breastfeeding couple would have been able to. God somehow didn't design it that way for some. So, not in judgement of those married couples who do get time away often, but in defense of those who are married and constantly have their children around--it can be done. And your marriage won't fall apart.

In honor of our anniversary...a few of my faves :)

2011-07-06T07:59:00.000-05:00

Washed and Microwave Ready

2011-07-02T10:45:00.000-05:00

I bought a package of pre-cut organic vegetables the other day and on the outside it read, "Washed and Microwave Ready." Seriously?? Not "Washed and Ready to Eat" or anything like that. My point is: I don't even know how to microwave vegetables! and probably most people who care to spend the extra $$ on organic vegetables wouldn't either.

I grew up without a microwave. I never regretted this fact. Call me superstitious or whatever but I swear I can feel the nasty "vibes" that emanate from a microwave and they give me the heebie-jeebies, so in principle I NEVER stand in front of a going microwave. I have been known to just leave the kitchen when someone has turned their microwave on. When Brandon and I got married we agreed we wouldn't have a microwave either. Instead, we asked for a toaster oven as a wedding present. He grew up with a microwave but has barely missed it since our toaster oven has been so wonderful.

In general, food either tastes better cooked in an oven, or it is probably food you shouldn't be eating (i.e. hot pockets and cup o noodles). There is only one thing, in my opinion, that tastes better made in a microwave. That is leftover linguine noodles with parmesan cheese sprinkled on top. After it is hot, pour a little soy sauce on it and it is delish!!

The point to this blog? Basically, I have observed that the quality of our eating--and therefore the quality of our living--has been greatly protected by our family not having a microwave. Aaaand...that's all. I just thought the whole "washed and microwave ready" thing was funny and somewhat thought provoking.

Gee whiz...its JULY?

2011-07-01T12:57:00.008-05:00

I can't believe it is July already! It feels like it has only been the blink of an eye since June began. Ironically, I looked at the calendar the other day and realized that technically summer only just started and therefore technically there is still quite a bit of summer left. We have been having a wonderful summer! We spent nearly 2 weeks with my family in Oklahoma, Solomon's godfather and a very good friend of ours came out to visit for a week, and already, we have gotten a lot done on our house and almost, almost had time to relax as well. ;)

Brandon has definitely been the more productive half of this family. He's been hard at two summer jobs so far: helping our future brother in law build a deck on the house he and my sister built, as well as helping our parish priest tear up carpet and refinish wood floors in his house. Not to mention all the brewing, painting, gardening, etc. that has been done around our own house! Yay for productivity!! :)

And the kids? They have been hard at work growing. Sera became absurdly huge almost overnight. I'm not sure what she weighs but trust me when I say it is a lot! She also sprouted two super sharp teeth this past month and has been acting like more will soon be on the way. Solomon has been waking up every night for over a week complaining about what I can only imagine to be growing pains so that's good, I guess :P He looks bigger so all his hard work must be paying off! He has definitely entered a new developmental stage, as well, and is fascinated with matching concepts (i.e. clock in book, look! clock on wall too! or finding all the owls we have in the house and lining them up). I think he has taken on a new level of sensitivity too and has been acutely aware (to his parents joy... note sarcasm) of every single tiny pain or hardship or sadness. He cries horribly if Brandon has to leave the house even for just half an hour, talks night and day about his various bug bites, takes FOREVER to fall asleep, and has been as clumsy as a donkey and quite upset about it.

I've been plugging away at what feels like getting absolutely nothing done, while simultaneously trying to keep my sanity. Yup, its a crazy life we live.

Anyhow, that was our June. Can't wait to see what July holds! :)

(pictures for:) Gee whiz...its JULY?

2011-07-01T12:05:00.000-05:00

I just spent the last half an hour trying to upload my pictures to compliment my last blog but alas, stupid blogger is having weird issues with picture layouts. Until further notice, I will just post "picture blogs" to supplement my written ones.

Nice going Blogger!

2011-06-30T17:05:00.003-05:00

Blogger just made a very good move...they made the whole blogger templates/choosing a template/editing templates INCREDIBLY user friendly.

Thank you Blogger. Now, can you fix my photo uploading/arraigning issues? I promise that if you do I will no longer have no reason to leave you.

my oklahoma faves :)

2011-06-30T14:21:00.001-05:00

my brother is the coolest! (part 2) (updated)

2011-06-24T17:43:00.003-05:00

My brother, my cousin, and my soon to be brother-in-law made this movie while we were out in CA last Easter. They used a simple canon powershot camera, had only the three of them for all the tech and acting work, and put it together in just a few hours. I may be biased but I think this is one of the most fantastic short films ever :)

note: the movie was originally in high definition but because of uploading ish is so blurry and low quality

(p.s. this link should work for anyone as it is linked to youtube and not facebook anymore...thanks Aunt Caroline! :) )

Parenting Dilemmas

2011-06-21T12:55:00.002-05:00

I am finding that, as a parent, my life is full of making little choices that have big impacts--choices that not only impact me but, more importantly, impact my children and our entire family life/dynamic. I was thinking a lot about this today as I sang Solomon to sleep for his nap. My mouth was singing "Old MacDonald" but my mind was wandering about on trails beginning with "should I really be doing this? shouldn't I be consistent in having him go to sleep by himself?" and ending with "how I love having my precious little boy fall asleep in my arms!" The fact of the matter is, as long as I sometimes sing him to sleep, it will be harder for him on the days that I can't/decide not to. But am I willing to give up cuddling him to myself as he dozes off forever?? I think not!

On my bad days, I am frustrated and upset with the fact that my children need me so much. I have made myself too irreplaceable to them. Due to his recent bout with teething and all the chaos of traveling, it is back to me putting Solomon down for every nap and every bedtime. I also do this for Sera. If I don't they cry terribly. Yes, I am weak. I do not like to hear my children cry terribly. I think if it was just Solomon, or just Sera, I wouldn't think twice about doing all that for them. I like spoiling my babies, I guess. But treating both of them they way I want often puts a strain on me that I cannot handle. Perhaps it is the fact that they are so close together that I resent the most. I try to focus on the positive aspects (i.e. Solomon's lack of jealousy, the closeness they will always have to each other in life, etc.) but when I really look at the situation honestly I know that babies being 15 months apart is just not the way God intended it to be. Except for me, of course ;) If we were only planning on having two children I would just suck it up and push through the next couple of years and then that would be that, but Brandon and I want to have a LOT more and the prospect of 6 more times of this kind of stress, lack of time away from children, and sleep deprivation just makes me want to cry! I am ashamed of my weakness.

What is the balance for a parent between trying to keep enough order and sanity to not just make it from day to day but to actually feel fulfilled in life and taking time to "stop and smell the roses" and to just embrace each moment for what it is or could be?

I'm thinking I need to come up with a system soon or else baby #3 is going to have to wait a VERY long time!

the frustrated stage

2011-06-20T21:28:00.003-05:00

I wish Sera would just start crawling already. She is at a really awkward and frustratable stage where there is so much life she wants to be living but she just can't get to it. Also, she got spoiled while we were in Oklahoma (mega spoiled, in fact) and won't allow anyone to put her down any more. So basically, if you do attempt to put her down she immediately transfers herself to a crawling position but instead of crawling starts flailing about and making frustrated wailing noises.

Solomon could crawl by this age.... come on little sister, catch up! ;)

To the best daddy in the world...

2011-06-19T20:48:00.002-05:00

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!!!!

(And also, to my own wonderful husband and beloved father to my children.)

home :)

2011-06-18T14:00:00.003-05:00

We are home. :) It feels good. Our visit to Oklahoma was wonderful but I am finding more and more that being away from home with small children has many challenges. But it was worth it. I will write more about it later but right now, I am hungry! Lunchtime! :D

Second molars, maybe?

2011-06-13T12:29:00.002-05:00

Solomon was up for over 3 hours last night screaming, crying, fussing, trying to go to sleep and failing miserably. This mama was up too, of course. He has been getting increasingly more fussy during the nights and in general these last 3-4 weeks have been pretty horrible for him so I'm thinking maybe his second molars are trying to push through. Teething, for Solomon, is a nasty nasty business.

Anyhow, we are having fun down here but I am looking forward to going back home, back to our blackout curtains, hopefully getting back on our usual early-bedtime-routine and getting some sleep!!

The thing is, though, that I wish we could be stressed and preoccupied with things that are more important or productive than simply trying to get a night's rest. I want to be DOING stuff! Our garden should be thriving back at home both vegetable plants and weeds alike so I'm sure there will be weeding to do. We also have a whole lot of painting on the summer "to-d0" list. I keep on thinking to myself that maybe God is just compensating for our idleness by giving us "sanctifying" challenges nevertheless. *sigh* Hey God, I could use a break!

YES

2011-06-10T14:59:00.002-05:00

awesomegamethingywhereyouknocktheotherperson'scastledown
Brilliant, Lund Family, simply brilliant!

Summer Slump

2011-06-10T10:47:00.002-05:00

I get bad about blogging during the summer. I'm not sure why. My head is still full of thoughts but maybe I am too preoccupied? or maybe I am too bored (you'd think i'd blog MORE if was bored but I don't)? or maybe not enough is going on to talk about or maybe too much? or maybe it is just FREAKING HOT!?!? At any rate, I don't like it when I fall into a blogging slump. This is because even my little bit of blogging actually keeps my mental life more organized and productive than if I wasn't . On a side note: I decided that I definitely want a smart phone next upgrade so that I can write emails and blogs without having to be on a computer. My children go NUTS when I am on the computer. They are like cats and try to sit on my keyboard. Checking a little phone and using it for a few moments here and there when I am out and about would be much more effective.

Also, I am trying to decide on a different blogging platform. I have been frustrated with blogger and trying to get my blogs to have the layout I want (especially with the pictures!). It could be very well the fault of my html editing ignoramus but I do think a different blog site might be better. I have been searching around for over a year now but can't choose one I like enough to make the switch. I looked into Tumblr but it is too much like Twitter, I don't like Wordpress bc it tends to be just a bit too scholarly oriented (yeah, I don't want my blog to be taken too seriously), and all the other ones seem to be out of the Google "loop". I like the fact that blogger and gmail are connected so well... Anyhow, I use Picasa for my pictures, Gmail for my email, and Facebook for everything else. I don't research tons of issues because I don't have the time, my blogs tend to be short to medium in length and I love positing pictures if it doesn't take me too long. Does anyone have a suggestion for a blogging platform which would better meet my needs?

Ooooohklahoma!

2011-06-07T14:14:00.001-05:00

Yup, we are here, once again visiting my family. Happy happy things are going on these days the biggest of which is that my younger sister is now ENGAGED!!!!! :) to the most perfect man for her EVER!!!!

Anyhow, I have a lot more to say but i'll save it for when I have more time.

Honeymoon: Take Two

2011-06-04T16:33:00.003-05:00

Brandon and I spent our honeymoon camping in Sequoia National Forest. It was awful. First, it was WAY too hot. Then, Brandon got bronchitis. Then I got bronchitis. Then I started my period (sorry if that was TMI). Then it was raining off and on the whole time. Then, we hated our campsite (toward the end the space next to us became vaccant so we swaped and it was SO much better after that! amazing how just your spot can have such a huge impact on your camping experience). THEN, both of our bronchitis' turned into whooping cough. Needless to say, we cut our honeymoon short a couple of days and drove home to open presents.

We hadn't camped since then. The summer after that we moved cross country to Kansas. The summer after that we bought a house, moved into it, and spent the rest of the summer fixing it up and traveling to far off places, (not to mention I was pregnant BOTH of those summers), so camping wasn't really do-able. This was our first real opportunity since then, so we took it--and how incredibly amazing it was!! :) Seriously, we may or may not have just gotten back from the BEST camping experience in the history of the world!!!

Day one: We arrived mid-afternoon, picked out the absolute most perfect campsite (credit goes to Brandon), set up our tent, etc. We knew it was going to rain towards the evening so we had packed hard boiled eggs with which to make egg salad sandwiches. Good thing we did too because we spent the next few hours dry inside the tent or running around getting wet outside (you can probably guess who did what). The rain stopped just long enough for us to eat some dinner, get ready for bed, try to go to bed, realize that blackout curtains are the only way to get children to go to sleep at a reasonable hour, get up out of bed, have a snack, and then go back to bed. Right as we tucked ourselves in for the second time, the rain started to come down hard. All night we slept to the glorious sound of rain against our amazing waterproof tent and the distant thunder. Perfection.

The next day was slightly overcast, not too warm, not too hot. We woke up, had some breakfast, and then decided to go hiking. By the time we had gotten ready, made the drive, and arrived at our destination, both children were taking early pre-noon naps. That was unexpected but Brandon and I enjoyed a good hour+ in the car just sitting and talking while they slept. Our one regret was that we had not packed a lunch (or hardly any food for that matter) and we would have to hike on hungry stomaches. Definitely not the end of the world. We ended up getting a bit lost and returning back to our car in a very roundabout way but it was so much fun and Solomon loved being on the great adventure. We were even able to take a pit stop in some awesomely squishy clay/mud on the side of the lake! By the time we got back to our tent we were HUNGRY! and practically inhaled our "lunch" (it was around 3pm by that time...) The rest of the afternoon was spent relaxing in the perfect breezy (now sunny) weather. Brandon built us a campfire and we had roasted hotdogs for dinner. My favorite part of all, though, was that after we got both children sleeping (success!!!), Brandon and I spent a bit of time together toasting and eating s'mores :) I went to bed after that and fell asleep staring at the leaves rustling in the wind through our screen tent roof (the entire thing is screen...it is so amazing!). Perfection. *sigh* That night, it was perfectly warm with an enthusiastic wind, which made a perfect white noise for Sera.

The next morning, we woke up and noticed it was hotter than the day before. This meant it would be a swimming day! We also decided that staying a third night was probably not the best idea so after breakfast, a leisurely morning, naps, and lunch, we packed up our gear and headed out for one last thing: a lake swim! Solomon loved it and was splashing around with Brandon in the deeper, colder part; but Sera and I sat where the tide came in with our feet in the water. That was about all she could handle.

We were able to make it home in time to unpack and clean a bit and then make some dinner. We were tired and sunburned but so glad that we had braved such a risky activity ;)

(I'll try to post some pictures of our time too, but Blogger is frustrating me so I don't know if they will come out the way I want. Sorry.)

the #1 reason for women to wear short skirts while camping

2011-06-03T09:55:00.003-05:00

Find a slight incline, plant your feet horizonatally at the top of it, squat down as low as you can, and relax. Also, be sure to avoid hitting your legs, feet, or loose clothing items.

I am an expert at "popping-a-squat." No seriously, I am. The combination of the amazing tutelage of my mother, discovering all the wrong ways through trial and error, and many opportunities to practice, have caused me to master the art. I realized this last night when I had to jump out of the tent for the quickest pee ever (my sleeping children easily wake and easily scream if I am not there). Do not underestimate the importance of this learned art; you never know when you might need it. ;)

CAMPING!!

2011-06-01T13:32:00.000-05:00

Tonight, tomorrow, and maybe Friday. Wish us luck! :)

there's only one thing worse than a teething child...

2011-05-31T19:39:00.002-05:00

....and that is TWO teething children. *sigh*